Something personal

After breaking every single set of headphones I had at my disposal these past few days, I had no chance for listening to music while I was out and about. So, I couldn't help but reflecting all the time. " It's been a year.. and more ". That's what I've been telling myself as I was walking up the road watching the cars going by. I felt like my memories were moving my legs, instead of me. And so it was. I had done a 12-minute walk within 6 minutes.

As it appears, these memories are intense and so many times I have replayed them over and over in my head, they have etched their way into my soul. As a great songs says, and I'll quote: " if every hole makes a scar, and every scar marks its' place, then I will never live freely without your trace ". That's how I feel about these past few moments that I firmly believe they have determined a lot of my present choices.
But why these ones in particular? Why I had to be 'scared' by these certain memories ? You'll tell me now, if it wan't this it would be something else.. but it is just absurb. I want to have something pleasant to remember, not just a fuzz. I want to know that at some point in my life, I was optimistic and sure about my decisions and choices. I need to know that I had something real and true, so that I can compare everything else to it.

Even though I hate myself for admiting it, the memories that "scared" me were the right ones I guess. But I don't know if they are good or bad, I cannot say that, but the thing that I can say is that these memories definately made my choices easier and definately beneficial.

But I get a weird sense. I keep making musings about the past. Am I subconsciencely carving for a taste of it?