Chase my light

Can i have you?

I wish I've done better than what you wanted

But please know that Im yours to keep

I'm almost lost in my dreams

and hope that you'll consider to let me make it up.

Your the myth I've always believed in

Give me the chance to make it real

You may not had me at hello

But I'm mising you so much

Come to me, stay with me so the sun can rise for the both of us

I know that I broke your heart

But I'm not playing you anymore

It's too much pain to store

in my messed up head and treared up heart

I'll never go back to who I was

Look at me. I'm not the girl I used to be.

And I'm even better with you by my side.

Let no of my mistakes do us part

If only all these weren't a lie

Long time, no write!

It's been so long since I typed in this wide box..I feel like I have nothing to write..The feeling of unfamiliarity has taken the place of the comfort and ease I used to feel around here..
Well, since March a lot things have happened.
I am now a senior in high school..not that fun though. It is heavy work and I could really use more than 24 hours during the day. That's why my posts have dramatically stopped.
My personal life, according to current family matters is on the verge of being a total disfunction.
Past loves have been an issue these past couple of months, but configured into nothing.

Selfishness is the hyena of the soul, emotions and definately destructs the finer art of heartwork.

Revulsion to the real

[Sorry for not posting anything these past two weeks, but I've been trying to get on with my life.. trying to overcome some things if you will. ]

The situation that I went through gave me a lesson. That a song can create the will, that a song can give you the feeling that you surely CAN continue with your life.. that you CAN move on; 'cause if you don't, you will be missing out on a lot of stuff.

Last week, I had the whole time to myself to think about what has been bugging me for the last few months.

> Love. <

Probably, it is a past love by now but anyway.

In seven days, I lost my faith;
I lost the faith I had for all this time to people, I lost the faith I had about what I can achieve, and mostly, I lost the faith in me. But fortunately, all this became a journey. I had the luck to re-gain my faith to people. It is only when you are tested I suppose that you are blessed with these rare people; these people that you haven't thought much about, that you had never really paid attention to.
Those people now, can give you the best advice and perspective. Exactly what you need and have been carving for so long. That is what happened to me.
After a week of being miserable, this person with just 10 minutes of their time flipped my world around. Gave my courage to look my fears of opening up in the eye and gave me the strenght to keep going even if the result was not of my liking.

When you love something, the hardest thing is to let go. But if the other has already let you go, then it is even harder. And it just hit me; I have been putting myself into the position of getting my heart out there every day just, by night, to end up broken hearted. I was horrified with the idea, but now I see why I couldn't realise how it has been. I just wasn't myself anymore. And I needed someone to remind me that.

Monday night, was the night that I finally reacted and behaved the way I felt. It was the day, that I finally opened up, to the biggest level existing for me, so that I can get the closure that I needed. And let me tell you, it was tramendously liberating.
As I was going to school Tuesday morning, I was listening to music and the funny thing is that the songs that played sounded differently. I thought that these particular tracks were exactly what I needed to boost my confidence, but this was not the case.

I was different. This situation indeed changed me but in a weird way. I overcame the past, just by keeping in mind all those loving memories while looking forward.
I always said to others that time heals everything; even the biggest wounds.
When I found myself in such a situation, I realised that even if you don't believe that, it will happen.
It will hurt. It will ache so badly, but you will definately get out of it. step out of it. and keep walking onwards. Cause there is nothing greater after a period of chaos, to finally have the strenght to be truthfully, happy again.

Even if that is the case..

Words cannot describe how I feel about you. Even if that is the case, I will try.

Not even a single picture can portray how much love I hide for you. Even if that is the case, I will try.

Whichever deed I may make, it can’t show you how helpless I’ve been without you by my side. Even if that is the case, I will try.

You cannot honestly tell me that everything that we lived is over. That we will never make another memory; that the only thing I can do is just remember..

Your heart was more than enough.
Your heart is more than enough still.
And the promises can be fulfilled, if you just let me.

What is the sand castle without its corals?
It’s dull, simple and lifeless. I cannot walk through life anymore as lifeless.
You taught me how to feel. You taught me to experience things.
You taught me how to love; and I loved you.
And the thing is that, I still do. As much as I did before.

‘As long as we whisper to one another, we will never fully hear each other.’
I whisper no more. I am here testifying my soul..
‘Beyond visions of wretched –and broken- smiles’
We can alter this; we can mend everything back by helping one another.

‘And I wonder where 'forever' went
And how our 'everything' came undone
I opened my eyes and the heaven beneath us had died.’
I still hope not for good.

Don't want this to be.. One Last Goodbye

How I needed you

How I grieve now you're gone

In my dreams I see you

I awake so alone

I know you didn't want to leave

Your heart yearned to stay

But the strength I always loved in you

Finally gave way

Somehow I knew you would leave me this way

Somehow I knew you could never, never stay

And in the early morning light

After a silent peaceful night

You took my heart away

And my being

In my dreams I can see you

I can tell you how I feel

In my dreams I can hold you

And it feels so real

I still feel the pain

I still feel your love

I still feel the pain

I still feel your love

And somehow I knew you could never, never stay

And somehow I knew you would leave me

And in the early morning light

After a silent peaceful night

You took my heart away

Oh I wish, I wish you could have stayed

Heartbeats & Heartbreaks

A person's life can change in a minute. not even an hour. not even a day. not even a week.
What it takes to bulid or destroy what you have, requires only 1 minute,.. or sometines even less than that.
Time can heal everything, ..can take everything away, ..can make you feel better. This, is what they say. But, isn't it ironic ? That the same thing -time- can scar you and then heal you, and help you recreate yourself from scratch..?

With time, we earn
With time, we grow
& with time, we hurt.

And all those fairytales that drugged us...

"Once upon a time, in a far, far away kingdom, there was a prince and a princess, who were so madly and deeply in love. What they felt, was so pure and genuine, but so random and unexcepected at the same time. They felt this unexplaining urge to be around each other, to share their significant moments, and they found themselves just wanting the other person by their side when their dreams came true. The graceful princess just had her wish come true. She had wished for real love, and a man, the man, that will stand up of her, and complete her in so many levels, like they were soulmates. They knew everything about each other. Their hopes, their passions and fears. The princess had found what she was looking for. It was there, it was holding her, the real thing. Love.

Every single day, the prince charming brought her shells; musical shells that only he knew how unique they made her feel, that only he knew how special they were. In those shells, in those rythms and lyrics, the beautiful princess hid her feelings, the so strong feelings that she was afraid of showing to anyone, but her petite soul. He was aware of that. He was aware of that fear. But, little did they know, that this fear would become the reason for them to grow apart. And, if it wasn't for that disastreous war, that destroyed the kingdom that she and the handsome prince had built with such care, love and compassion...

Now everything had changed. The love was so gone, just like the prince. She watched the prince breaking every single one of those magical shells, and leaving, upon a black horse, sad and betrayed, because he thought that the princess had married him to use his wealth, and power, and soldiers to defeat the hostile king that had now ruined everything.

After a long time, the little princess was still in love, was still hurt. The joy that she felt back then, was overthrown by a broken smile, the broken smile that had be putted on her pale face since her prince left. Now, after gathering strenght and confidence, and all those feelings from the broken shells, she was ready to get her prince charming back. To build again their kingdom and live happily ever after..."

But the above was just a fairytale. A fairytale of love and completion that life doens't bring along, but that does not mean that it can't happen. Anyone can relate to this story; because everything has its complications and wrong turns, but that doesn't mean we stop believing. Even if the songs end, we continue listening to music. Thus, why not continue believing in those fairytale endings that all of us grew up with? Anything is possible, if you just believe. Life has its ways of offering you in the end what you deserve, so do not settle for anything less. It is up to you weather or not you make your life a fairytale or just a seiries of the same typical days. Everything is up to you. Everything is what you make and everything is what you wish for.

To a great & amazing friend,

Matina <3